Tonight’s dinner is grilled asparagus and canned corn with a tiny piece of cold salmon leftover from yesterday that basically is serving as a garnish. I think these portions are on par with what the monsters who created the food pyramid suggest, but I don’t know how any of them sleep at night. Some guy named Dave probably came home from work one day bragging to his wife about how he recommended these nutritional guidelines at the Department of Health and Human Services and they actually implemented them for the whole fucking country, and then hopefully his perfectly mediocre marriage fell apart soon after. That’s right, fuck you, Dave, and your huge servings of vegetables. I hope your ex-wife remarries someone who owns a steakhouse and a jet ski and that you never find real happiness, you greens-loving S.O.B.